When they won’t leave you alone
🧱 What to do when the breaches don’t stop
A guide for women who’ve already left, and are still being targeted
You’ve done the hardest thing. You left! You put safety measures in place. You followed the rules, got the paperwork, stood your ground. And still.. they breach. They push the limits. They find new ways to make your life harder.
This guide is for you, the woman who’s already told her story a hundred times. Who’s tired of being told to “just block him” or “go back to court.” Who knows the system doesn’t always protect the people it’s meant to. And who’s wondering what else she can do when she’s already done everything.
You are not the problem.
Four years of breaches doesn’t mean you’re failing, it means the system is. Repeat after me:
“The problem is not that I need to do more. The problem is that he keeps choosing to harm me.”
Start here. Ground yourself. Because it’s easy to start questioning your own instincts when the court delays, the police shrug, and friends get tired.
Update your incident log and keep it simple
If he’s still breaching, every record matters. But you don’t need to be a lawyer to track it.
Open a Google Doc, name it something boring, and log the date, time, and what happened. Keep it factual, short, and emotionless, this isn’t for you, it’s for when someone finally listens.
Example:
3 March 2025 – Texted from new number “I still love you, you bitch”
5 March 2025 – Was parked near daycare at 3:30 pm. Witness: Karen M.
7 March 2025 – Commented on sister’s Instagram about my location
If you already have a log, just keep adding to it. Every new breach strengthens your case.
Strengthen your digital security — again
Even years out, many women realise their ex is still:
Logged into shared email accounts
Using old passwords on forgotten devices
Guessing security questions
Watching social media through mutual friends or burner accounts
Revisit your digital safety plan:
Change passwords again
Switch to ProtonMail or another secure email
Enable two-factor authentication on every major account
Revoke access to old devices in your Apple ID / Google account
Audit your Facebook friend list and privacy settings
You’ve evolved. Your security should, too.
Ask for a legal review
Sometimes things change slowly. But after four years of breaches, it might be time to ask:
Can my AVO be strengthened?
Can police apply for a new order with tighter restrictions?
Can I request formal intervention from a DVLO (Domestic Violence Liaison Officer)?
You can speak to:
Women’s Legal Service NSW
Legal Aid NSW
Your local Community Legal Centre
You’re not starting over. You’re reinforcing the boundaries you’ve already built.
Pre-write a police report
Many women find it exhausting to retell the story every time they make a report.
Instead, create a pre written summary of past breaches, your current order, and what you’re asking for.
Example:
Hi, I’m reporting another breach of an existing AVO. The respondent has breached more than 20 times. He was recently incarcerated and is now using legal systems to harass me. Today’s incident involved XYZ. I have evidence and am keeping a log. Please ensure this is escalated to the DVLO assigned to my case.
Having this ready means you can copy/paste it into emails, police reports, or even hand it over at a station.
Tighten your social circle
If he’s still getting information about you, someone is leaking it. Not always maliciously, sometimes through casual posts, offhand comments, or mutual “friends.”
Review who knows your address
Turn off location sharing on all apps
Don’t post about your location, job, or child’s activities
Ask your inner circle to keep info tight, “I’m in court again” can turn into “She’s finally moving” faster than you think
Look after your nervous system
Ongoing breaches create long term trauma. Hypervigilance. Exhaustion. Rage. You’re not overreacting. You’re living in a constant state of being “on.”
What helps:
A pre written crisis plan
A calm down page on your phone (breathing GIFs, music, reminders)
A therapist or DV support worker
A list of things that bring you back to yourself, walks, your kid’s laugh, grounding routines
Short voice notes to yourself: “You are safe right now. You’ve done nothing wrong. He is the problem.”
Don’t isolate, reach out again
Even if you feel like “no one cares anymore,” please don’t carry this alone.
You can contact:
1800RESPECT (24/7)
Your local police DVLO
Me, if you need help logging things, changing passwords, or finding the right guide
Everything I offer is free. No judgment. Just help.
Final word: You’re still here. And that’s power.
He’s trying to wear you down. To make you doubt yourself, question your safety, and disappear into silence. But you’re still standing. Still documenting. Still choosing peace. You didn’t fail by needing this guide. You’re wise enough to know safety is ongoing.
And I’ll keep showing up beside you, for as long as it takes.
💬 Need help using the guides or figuring out next steps for your digital safety?
I’m not a counsellor, but I’m someone who’s been there. If you need support setting up secure email, protecting your accounts, or working out what guide might help most, message me through the contact form or at help@controlaltescape.com.au. It’s private, it’s free, and it’s here when you’re ready.