Recognising Stalkerware

What to Look For and What to Do

Stalkerware is software or apps that secretly monitor your device activity. It can track your location, read your messages, access photos, listen to calls, and more.

It’s often installed without your knowledge — and in abusive relationships, it’s increasingly used as a tool of control.

This guide will help you understand the warning signs, check your devices, and take action safely.

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What Is Stalkerware?

Stalkerware is often disguised as a hidden app or cloaked within another program. It gives another person remote access to your phone, usually without your consent.

It can look like:

  • Parental control apps

  • Phone cleaner/optimiser apps

  • GPS trackers

  • “Employee monitoring” tools

Some examples: mSpy, FlexiSpy, Spyic, Cerberus, TheTruthSpy — but new ones emerge constantly.

Signs you might be monitored

Trust your gut. If something feels off, it could be.

Common signs include:

  • 🔋 Battery drains quickly even when you’re not using your phone

  • 🌡️ Phone is warm even when idle

  • 📶 Strange data usage or high background activity

  • 🔊 Weird background noises on calls

  • 📲 Settings changed without your input

  • 🔒 Abuser knows things they shouldn’t (your location, who you’ve spoken to)

  • 🧩 A new app you don’t remember installing

  • 🛑 You’ve been coerced into unlocking your phone around them

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What to check right now

You don’t need to be a tech expert. Here’s where to look:

✅ iPhone

  • Settings → Privacy & Security → Location Services – see what’s using your location

  • VPN & Device Management – any unknown profiles?

  • Review all apps – do you recognise them all?

  • Settings → Battery – check if anything strange is draining power

✅ Android

  • Settings → Apps – tap “Show system apps” and scan the list

  • Look for apps with no icon or suspicious names

  • Check Device Admin Apps

  • Review Accessibility Settings – stalkerware often hides here

What NOT to do

⚠️ If you think stalkerware is on your phone, do NOT:

  • Confront the abuser

  • Reset the phone immediately

  • Turn off the phone without a safety plan

Why? Removing it can alert them — and put you in more danger.

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What you CAN do safely

  1. Use a clean, safe device to make your plan (friend’s phone, public computer, etc.)

  2. Take screenshots of anything suspicious (only if safe to do so)

  3. Reach out to someone who understands digital abuse

  4. Use a temporary phone/number if you’re planning to leave

  5. Use secure apps like Signal or ProtonMail for private messages

6

How to Remove It (Safely)

If you’ve left and are safe:

  • Back up data to a secure cloud or encrypted drive

  • Factory reset the phone

  • Set it up from scratch, not from a backup

  • Use a password manager + 2FA on everything

🔐 If possible, get a completely new phone and number.

Final Thought

You are not paranoid. You are not dramatic.

Stalkerware is real — and you are not alone.

Your privacy is your power. Taking steps to secure your phone is taking back control.

🧡 If you’re planning to leave or already have, this space is here for you.