What if I’m wrong?
You start to make a plan. You think about leaving. You picture packing a bag, backing up your phone, finding somewhere safe to stay.
And then it hits you —
What if I’m wrong?
What if I’ve misread everything? What if I’ve overreacted? What if I’m the problem?
This is one of the most painful parts of abuse no one talks about, the self-doubt that creeps in even after everything you’ve been through. Because when someone has made you question your memory, your reactions, and even your worth, it’s natural to start doubting your own story.
“He’s never hit me.”
Maybe he’s never yelled. Maybe he makes you laugh. Maybe he brings you flowers. Maybe he pays the bills.
Maybe he’s never touched you in anger, but still, something doesn’t feel right.
The silence after a disagreement.
The way he watches your phone.
The rules that keep changing.
The guilt he makes you feel for having friends, plans, a mind of your own.
And yet you think: maybe I’m just sensitive. Maybe it’s just stress. Maybe it’s me.
This confusion is by design.
When control is subtle, it’s harder to name, and harder to escape.
“I don’t have proof.”
Many women never go to the police, never take screenshots, never keep voice recordings.
Not because nothing happened, but because in the moment, it didn’t feel “bad enough.” Or you were scared. Or exhausted. Or still trying to protect him. Later, you wonder if your memory is enough.
It is.
You are the proof. Your nervous system. Your fear. Your survival instincts. The way your body tenses when the door opens. That’s all real. You don’t need a file of evidence to deserve support. You don’t need permission to want peace.
“What if I ruin his life?”
This one stings. Because most women still love the man who hurt them. You saw the charm. You saw the potential. You still remember the way he held you that one time when things were good. It’s okay to grieve that version of him. But your safety comes first. Always.
You’re not destroying his life, you’re trying to reclaim yours.
“How do I know if it’s really abuse?”
Ask yourself:
Do I feel safe when I’m around him?
Do I feel like I have full control of my own life, phone, decisions?
Do I feel smaller when he’s nearby?
Do I change who I am to keep him calm?
These aren’t small questions. And the fact you’re asking them already says so much.
You don’t need to be sure. You just need to be safe.
Take your time. Read. Learn. Trust yourself again, bit by bit. You don’t have to make any big decisions today. But you are allowed to listen to the quiet part of you that’s whispering, something isn’t right.
And if it helps, I made this site for women like you.
💬 Need help using the guides or figuring out next steps for your digital safety?
I’m not a counsellor, but I’m someone who’s been there. If you need support setting up secure email, protecting your accounts, or working out what guide might help most, message me through the contact form or at help@controlaltescape.com.au It’s private, it’s free, and it’s here when you’re ready.